Alyssa

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 17:14:10 GMT

need is always pending on how much you can get

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 07:08:40 GMT

I Sleep a Lot by Czeslaw Milosz
I sleep a lot and read St. Thomas Aquinas
Or The Death of God (that's a Protestant book).
To the right the bay as if molten tin,
Beyond the bay, city, beyond the city, ocean,
Beyond the ocean, ocean, till Japan.
To the left dry hills with white grass,
Beyond the hills an irrigated valley where rice is grown,
Beyond the valley, mountains and Ponderosa pines,
Beyond the mountains, desert and sheep.

When I couldn't do without alcohol, I drove myself on alcohol,
When I couldn't do without cigarettes and coffee, I drove myself
On cigarettes and coffee.
I was courageous. Industrious. Nearly a model of virtue.
But that is good for nothing.

I feel a pain.
not here. Even I don't know.
many islands and continents,
words, bazaars, wooden flutes,
Or too much drinking to the mirror, without beauty,
Though one was to be a kind of archangel
Or a Saint George, over there, on St. George Street.
Please, Doctor,
Not here. No,
Maybe it's too
Unpronounced

Please, Medicine Man, I feel a pain.
I always believed in spells and incantations.
Sure, women have only one, Catholic, soul,
But we have two. When you start to dance
You visit remote pueblos in your sleep
And even lands you have never seen.
Put on, I beg you, charms made of feathers,
Now it's time to help one of your own.
I have read many books but I don't believe them.
When it hurts we return to the banks of certain rivers.

I remember those crosses with chiseled suns and moons
And wizards, how they worked during an outbreak of typhus.
Send your second soul beyond the mountains, beyond time.
Tell me what you saw, I will wait.

chemical real

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:31:41 GMT

She seems dressed in all the rings
Of past fatalities
So fragile, yet so devious
She continues to see
Climatic hands that press her temples and my chest
Enter the night that she came home... Forever

Oh... She's the only one that makes me sad

She is everything and more... The solemn hypnotic
My Dahlia, bathed in possesion
She is home to me
I get nervous, perverse, when I see her it's worse
But the stress is astounding
It's now or never
She's coming home... Forever

Hard to say what caught my attention
Fixed and crazy... Aphid attraction
Carve my name in my face... To recognize
Such a pheromone cult to terrorize

I wont let this build up inside of me

I'm a slave and I am a master
No restraints and unchecked collectors
I exist through my needs... to self-oblige
She is something in me that I despise

She isn't real
I can't make her real

i don't know.

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:24:45 GMT

i feel like i'm just watching life happen.

i am so lame

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 01:36:30 GMT

im moody as fuck and i dont know how to stop or control it. I can't play any of the music for orchestra. I don't know anything about music. I should leave music for the musicians and stop pretending.

i can do this

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 04:49:41 GMT

no matter what.

let's escape and let the sunflowers catch our tears

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 04:55:42 GMT

The only thing we have left is everything we ever never wanted.
We have had it all, all of what we never asked for. All that was decided for us.
Let's get out.
Climb the walls, swim the sea,
Run until we drop from freedom.
The earth will greet us, an eternal home with the flowers.
Sink lower, lower
Complete release
Hold your
b r e a t h

Just for a minute.

Then go back because thats what we always do.

Heartfelt Horizons

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 05:31:05 GMT

my mind is better than any sports car, it can go from 0 to 100 in under a second. then back to 0.

work in the morning. i had alot to write about and now im sleepy.

hopefully ill wake up to the sun.

I need assurance that I'm not completely wrong about everything.

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 07:58:58 GMT

I need reassurance.
Give me insurance, give me motivation
to fight this saturation
every speed on our knees is crawling
of thought.

Please stop my
s l o w l y
moving

thoughts
from

creeping
d
o
w
n
d
o
w
n

Build a dam in my heart to stop the flood, kill the beavers knawing through the chords of my harmonies.

i am miserable

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 18:59:56 GMT

started not being ble to breath yesterday so we went to the docs and i got an antibiotic shot and new meds, and i thought i felt better last night but i woke up feeling and i dont know what that means, im hoping it doesnt mean the antibiotics arent working im going to say they need more time because f i have to stay like this or get worse for any amount of time ill just ry and im tired of being so weak and pathetic

dear tonsils,
please get smaller so i can lay down and breath and please stop gooping out what ever is inside you making you hard and smelly, i swear ill be nice to you if you are nice to me

success is an illusion

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 08:45:53 GMT

talking to some future "successful" people today made me re think what being successful is. Pretty much its an illusion parents colleges and individuals make up to make themselves feel good. I know many people who dont consider themselves successful and maybe society doesnt either but they are the best and most "successful" people i know in that they always succeed to make my days amazing and keep the my world from falling apart. so thank you successful people in my life.

i adore you

id rather spend my days with you than any ceo or grammy winner or politician

it may not be an oscar but its my love

you all know who u are

my moodiness

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 22:07:01 GMT

is getting rediculous seriously it used to be only around my period now its every fucking day i feel like im going through menopause.

im sorry to everyone who has to deal with me

we've made ourselves tragedy prone

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 22:06:13 GMT

i'm tired of expectations and bad news

i'm done trying to "fit" in

i want to live in a different reality and create my own world

i want to live in books and music and poetry

i'm done living in a house and driving cars

i want to ride giraffes and talk to butterflies.

dont listen

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 08:36:03 GMT

i wish i could fix things

i wish i could be more useful

i wish i knew what to do. I never do. Im awkward. I say ALL the WRONG things. But i want more then anything to help, but in helping i make things worse. and i hate that theres nothing i can do, for anyone. the only way to help people is if they let u and people dont really choose me as a helper

i want to be a "better" maker
lsdgfalkdhfdsligh

I'm worried. I'm worried im going to hurt you, or you'll hurt me, and im worried i worry about that too much

i like telling you my nonsense

i trust you.

alot.

as much as i say it will all be ok, i have no idea.

im sorry im not a rock, im more of a log.

e.e. cummings

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 20:21:55 GMT

if i should sleep with a lady called death
get another man with firmer lips
to take your new mouth in his teeth
(hips pumping pleasue into hips).

Seeing how the limp huddling string
of your smile over his body squirms
kissingly,i will bring you every spring
handfulls of little normal worms.

Dress deftly your flesh in stupid stuffs,
phrase the immense weapon of your hair.
Understanding why his eye laughs,
i will bring you every year

something which is worth the whole,
an inch of nothing for your soul.

done

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 02:37:50 GMT

with high school. Weird doesn't feel over.

entertain me i feel aimless.

blah

i havent done absolutely NOTHING today.

[waste]

[[[[[i dont want you to leave]]]]]

random

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 16:04:34 GMT

//I felt you in my legs before I ever met you
And when I laid beside you for the first time I told you
I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you

I felt you in my life before I ever thought to
Felt the need to lay down beside you and tell you
I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you//

Necessity

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 02:19:29 GMT

I MUST STOP BEING AN ATTENTION WHORE AND BE SATISFIED WITH MYSELF.

the take over

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 23:54:57 GMT

I feel like my mind is being invaded. I feel like I'm melting, so I'm taking control. Now.

Goals for this year: 1. Become more self sufficient. (emotionally)
2. Have a damn good time.
3. Have no regrets.
4. [re]start

{edit}
as of 1/28/09
1. hasn't happend
2. happened but at cost of....
3. failed
4. broken

I feel so Fucking Shity

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 17:12:34 GMT

this year is w a s t e

haven't done this in a while

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 21:53:22 GMT

I want to be best friends with Amy and Torque.

They are my heros.

------------------------------------------------------------

<3 stars

virgin in a tree by sylvia plath

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:40:10 GMT

How this tart fable instructs
And mocks! Here's the parody of that moral mousetrap
Set in the proverbs stitched on samplers
Approving chased girls who get them to a tree
And put on bark's nun-black

Habit which deflects
All amorous arrows. For to sheathe the virgin shape
In a scabbard of wood baffles pursuers,
Whether goat-thighed or god-haloed. Ever since that first Daphne
Switched her incomparable back

For a bay-tree hide, respect's
Twined to her hard limbs like ivy: the puritan lip
Cries: 'Celebrate Syrinx whose demurs
Won her the frog-colored skin, pale pith and watery
Bed of a reed. Look:

Pine-needle armor protects
Pitys from Pan's assault! And though age drop
Their leafy crowns, their fame soars,
Eclipsing Eva, Cleo and Helen of Troy:
For which of those would speak

For a fashion that constricts
White bodies in a wooden girdle, root to top
Unfaced, unformed, the nipple-flowers
Shrouded to suckle darkness? Only they
Who keep cool and holy make

A sanctum to attract
Green virgins, consecrating limb and lip
To chastity's service: like prophets, like preachers,
They descant on the serene and seraphic beauty
Of virgins for virginity's sake.'

Be certain some such pact's
Been struck to keep all glory in the grip
Of ugly spinsters and barren sirs
As you etch on the inner window of your eye
This virgin on her rack:

She, ripe and unplucked, She's
Lain splayed too long in the tortuous boughs: overripe
Now, dour-faced, her fingers
Stiff as twigs, her body woodenly
Askew, she'll ache and wake

Though doomsday bud. Neglect's
Given her lips that lemon-tasting droop:
Untongued, all beauty's bright juice sours.
Tree-twist will ape this gross anatomy
Till irony's bough break.

i hate people who like the twilight series unless they in middle school or younger

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 23:05:29 GMT

i hate all the bullshit phenomenon crap that is surrounding the books and now movie

its not that great

edward doesnt love you
he is fake

i hate you all.

the books are for immature children highschoolers

get a grip

ughghghghgh overkill

Daytime is lame.

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:01:24 GMT

Night makes everything better. It makes me braver.

Held like water in you shaking hands are all the small defeats a day demands. 10-6 or 9-5 trying, dying to survive. Never knowing what survival means. Leave the apartment to buy alcohol. Hang our diplomas on the bathroom wall. Pick at the plaster chipped away, survey some stunning tooth decay, enlist the cat in the impending class-war. Let's lay our bad day down here, dear and make-believe we're strong, or hum some protest song. Like maybe "We Shall Overcome Someday."

Overcome the stupid things we say. Say I needed more than this, ~~say I needed one more kiss~~. We left that light on way too long now. Let's plant a bomb at city-hall and kill an MLA. We'll talk the night away. You call in sick, I'll quit the word-games that I play. I swear I way more than half believe it when I say that somewhere love and justice shine. Cynicism falls asleep. Tyranny talks to itself. Sappy slogans all come true. We forget to feed our fear.

I've Realized

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:28:26 GMT

The only reaon anyone is ever with me is because the person they really want isn't around. I'm getting tired of that. I want to be the person you want to be with, is that wrong?