Alyssa

She seems dressed in all the rings
Of past fatalities
So fragile, yet so devious
She continues to see
Climatic hands that press her temples and my chest
Enter the night that she came home... Forever

Oh... She's the only one that makes me sad

She is everything and more... The solemn hypnotic
My Dahlia, bathed in possesion
She is home to me
I get nervous, perverse, when I see her it's worse
But the stress is astounding
It's now or never
She's coming home... Forever

Hard to say what caught my attention
Fixed and crazy... Aphid attraction
Carve my name in my face... To recognize
Such a pheromone cult to terrorize

I wont let this build up inside of me

I'm a slave and I am a master
No restraints and unchecked collectors
I exist through my needs... to self-oblige
She is something in me that I despise

She isn't real
I can't make her real

The only thing we have left is everything we ever never wanted.
We have had it all, all of what we never asked for. All that was decided for us.
Let's get out.
Climb the walls, swim the sea,
Run until we drop from freedom.
The earth will greet us, an eternal home with the flowers.
Sink lower, lower
Complete release
Hold your
b r e a t h

Just for a minute.

Then go back because thats what we always do.

my mind is better than any sports car, it can go from 0 to 100 in under a second. then back to 0.

work in the morning. i had alot to write about and now im sleepy.

hopefully ill wake up to the sun.

I need reassurance.
Give me insurance, give me motivation
to fight this saturation
every speed on our knees is crawling
of thought.

Please stop my
s l o w l y
moving

thoughts
from

creeping
d
o
w
n
d
o
w
n

Build a dam in my heart to stop the flood, kill the beavers knawing through the chords of my harmonies.

started not being ble to breath yesterday so we went to the docs and i got an antibiotic shot and new meds, and i thought i felt better last night but i woke up feeling and i dont know what that means, im hoping it doesnt mean the antibiotics arent working im going to say they need more time because f i have to stay like this or get worse for any amount of time ill just ry and im tired of being so weak and pathetic

dear tonsils,
please get smaller so i can lay down and breath and please stop gooping out what ever is inside you making you hard and smelly, i swear ill be nice to you if you are nice to me

talking to some future "successful" people today made me re think what being successful is. Pretty much its an illusion parents colleges and individuals make up to make themselves feel good. I know many people who dont consider themselves successful and maybe society doesnt either but they are the best and most "successful" people i know in that they always succeed to make my days amazing and keep the my world from falling apart. so thank you successful people in my life.

i adore you

id rather spend my days with you than any ceo or grammy winner or politician

it may not be an oscar but its my love

you all know who u are

i'm tired of expectations and bad news

i'm done trying to "fit" in

i want to live in a different reality and create my own world

i want to live in books and music and poetry

i'm done living in a house and driving cars

i want to ride giraffes and talk to butterflies.

i wish i could fix things

i wish i could be more useful

i wish i knew what to do. I never do. Im awkward. I say ALL the WRONG things. But i want more then anything to help, but in helping i make things worse. and i hate that theres nothing i can do, for anyone. the only way to help people is if they let u and people dont really choose me as a helper

i want to be a "better" maker
lsdgfalkdhfdsligh

I'm worried. I'm worried im going to hurt you, or you'll hurt me, and im worried i worry about that too much

i like telling you my nonsense

i trust you.

alot.

as much as i say it will all be ok, i have no idea.

im sorry im not a rock, im more of a log.

if i should sleep with a lady called death
get another man with firmer lips
to take your new mouth in his teeth
(hips pumping pleasue into hips).

Seeing how the limp huddling string
of your smile over his body squirms
kissingly,i will bring you every spring
handfulls of little normal worms.

Dress deftly your flesh in stupid stuffs,
phrase the immense weapon of your hair.
Understanding why his eye laughs,
i will bring you every year

something which is worth the whole,
an inch of nothing for your soul.

with high school. Weird doesn't feel over.

entertain me i feel aimless.

blah

i havent done absolutely NOTHING today.

[waste]

[[[[[i dont want you to leave]]]]]

//I felt you in my legs before I ever met you
And when I laid beside you for the first time I told you
I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you

I felt you in my life before I ever thought to
Felt the need to lay down beside you and tell you
I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you//

I feel like my mind is being invaded. I feel like I'm melting, so I'm taking control. Now.

Goals for this year: 1. Become more self sufficient. (emotionally)
2. Have a damn good time.
3. Have no regrets.
4. [re]start

{edit}
as of 1/28/09
1. hasn't happend
2. happened but at cost of....
3. failed
4. broken

How this tart fable instructs
And mocks! Here's the parody of that moral mousetrap
Set in the proverbs stitched on samplers
Approving chased girls who get them to a tree
And put on bark's nun-black

Habit which deflects
All amorous arrows. For to sheathe the virgin shape
In a scabbard of wood baffles pursuers,
Whether goat-thighed or god-haloed. Ever since that first Daphne
Switched her incomparable back

For a bay-tree hide, respect's
Twined to her hard limbs like ivy: the puritan lip
Cries: 'Celebrate Syrinx whose demurs
Won her the frog-colored skin, pale pith and watery
Bed of a reed. Look:

Pine-needle armor protects
Pitys from Pan's assault! And though age drop
Their leafy crowns, their fame soars,
Eclipsing Eva, Cleo and Helen of Troy:
For which of those would speak

For a fashion that constricts
White bodies in a wooden girdle, root to top
Unfaced, unformed, the nipple-flowers
Shrouded to suckle darkness? Only they
Who keep cool and holy make

A sanctum to attract
Green virgins, consecrating limb and lip
To chastity's service: like prophets, like preachers,
They descant on the serene and seraphic beauty
Of virgins for virginity's sake.'

Be certain some such pact's
Been struck to keep all glory in the grip
Of ugly spinsters and barren sirs
As you etch on the inner window of your eye
This virgin on her rack:

She, ripe and unplucked, She's
Lain splayed too long in the tortuous boughs: overripe
Now, dour-faced, her fingers
Stiff as twigs, her body woodenly
Askew, she'll ache and wake

Though doomsday bud. Neglect's
Given her lips that lemon-tasting droop:
Untongued, all beauty's bright juice sours.
Tree-twist will ape this gross anatomy
Till irony's bough break.